By Amber Weigand-Buckley
Look, I love my family. I really do. But let’s be honest—sometimes they drive me up the Christmas tree faster than a kid on a candy cane sugar rush.
And while the holidays are supposedly all about coming together, there’s a reason I’d rather hibernate in my stretch pants, messy bun, maybe a day or two past my last shower, and watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” with an endless supply of eggnog (more precisely, the creamy non-alcoholic kind). All that festive chaos? Not exactly my idea of a good time.
As a bipolar mom with manic tendencies and anxiety served with a side of ADHD, holiday gatherings give me a little extra “something” to manage.
But let’s face it: you don’t need a diagnosis to feel that annual pressure of family dynamics and holiday anxiety.
So, for those of us who’d rather watch George Bailey’s breakdown from the comfort of our couch than deal with our own, here’s how to navigate the season without completely losing it—even when your family is doing their best to push you to the brink.
Your Best Defense for Holiday Gathering Hangover
1. Plan Your Cozy Getaway
Holiday gatherings can be a lot, even when you love everyone there. So, claim yourself a hideout spot—a guest room, the porch, even your car if you have to. Returning to your cozy corner can save your sanity when things get tense. You can only nod politely at Uncle Bob’s repetitive stories of the famous people he’s met so many times before you need a breather.
2. Skip the Family PR Campaign
I often catch myself trying to explain why my kids do what they do, say what they say, or simply go in a corner and hide behind their Nintendo Switches to focus attention elsewhere. Even my husband and I have to hide away sometimes. I don’t need to justify everyone’s unique thoughts or quirks. They’re grown now, and they’re going to do and say what they want. So, I try to let go of that need to play family public relations manager. Those “not so little kids” can handle their own quirks and choices and can advocate for what they believe in — I’m not going to automatically think those things reflect poorly on my parenting. Especially because I deal with my own fair share of issues.
3. Dress for (Your) Success
Who says you have to dress up to celebrate? I’m all for staying in cozy sweats, rocking a messy bun, and skipping the makeup. Let’s be real: I’ll save the sparkle for the Christmas lights. The only dress code you need to follow is the one that keeps you from wanting to bolt out the door.
4. Find the Comedy in the Chaos
Family gatherings are like a holiday sitcom waiting to happen. There’s always Grandpa’s new conspiracy theory and discussions about Mom’s peculiar recipe contributions from years gone by—especially that rice crispy green Jell-O treat that became the rejected centerpiece at the church potluck. I also love laughing over old Christmas morning photos, where my siblings ran around unwrapping presents in our Underoos.
It’s ridiculous, but it’s also hilarious and will definitely be material for my next book. I frequently ask to break out the karaoke machine, just as comic relief. Who can be stressed out when you’re singing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” at the top of your lungs in the wrong key?
So, find the comedy in the craziness, and dare to focus the laughter in your direction. When tension gets high, give yourself permission to laugh in its face.
5. Stay Focused on the Good Stuff
Yes, there will be eye rolls and some head-shaking moments, but that’s when I have to give people grace because that’s simply a part of who they are. Look for the stuff that makes you grateful: the moments when everyone’s laughing at a shared memory or my big sister surprising me by making my favorites—her delicious coconut cake and cranberry salad. The chaos can sometimes hide those moments. And when in doubt, once again, I focus on the eggnog. For me, that’s always a good idea.
6. Take a Deep Breath and Let It Go
No, I’m not launching into a Disney tune, but I mean it—breathe. When the anxiety flares up, I remind myself of Proverbs 16:32: “Better a patient person than a warrior.” I’m not here to win family battles. I’m just here to traverse the holidays with my mental well–being intact. I always know I’ll need that post-festivities nap, but that’s ok too.
When my patience is tested, finding the strength to navigate the festivities can be draining, but I’m ready for the workout.
If drama, negativity, or gossip begin to circulate, remember: you don’t have to participate. It’s perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself or redirect the conversation to something more uplifting—like the latest holiday movie marathon. Also, things like sticking to my prescribed meds (doctor’s orders) as well as keeping hydrated helps me stay grounded, especially when life stretches me to the limit (my stretch pants are already managing enough pressure as it is).
So, there you have it—my holiday survival guide. I might not love every minute or every word that comes out of my family’s mouths, but I love them anyway.
I wouldn’t trade the chaos (or the comedy) for anything. Here’s to eggnog, comfy waistbands, and the family antics that make it all memorable. And if the holidays ever start to feel WAY too overwhelming to participate in, remember: it’s okay to be a holiday hermit, and please don’t forget to take your meds.
