By Katherine Pasour
In late spring this year, over three million high school seniors will graduate and step into a new world.
Most of these young adults enter the workforce or continue their education.
Both paths may involve challenging transitions, painful obstacles, and difficult adjustments to sudden independence and greater responsibility.
When Independence Hits Hard
The mother stared down, her hands twisting and turning in her lap.
She lifted eyes overflowing with tears and choked back a sob. “We didn’t know anything was wrong. He just stopped calling.” Her stoical husband, jaw clenched in suppressed emotion, grasped her hand and held on.
“We don’t know what to do or how to help him.”
In his first semester, their son became overwhelmed. Unable to effectively manage his time to complete the tasks required of a college freshman, he gave up, stopped attending classes, and withdrew from school.
Watch for These Red Flags
Whether our young adult enters college or the workforce, there are signs to watch for to judge whether they are successfully embracing adulthood, independence, and responsibilities—or not.
Parents, family, and mentors should watch for changes.
Is their child becoming withdrawn, communicating less (or not at all), or being vague when contact does occur? Our young adults want to embrace their independence. None of us want to admit we’re struggling.
Whether college students or newly employed members of the workforce, these courageous, but sometimes terrified, young people want to convince parents and loved ones that all is well. How can we offer support?
Approach our young adults with love, not pressure. Make clear our willingness to listen without judgment. Keep the lines of communication open. Recognize that our young adults will make mistakes. Encourage them to learn from the lessons that missteps teach.
Offer advice if asked, but keep the wisdom shared low key, rather than in an authoritarian tone.
Encouraging vs. Controlling
Career steps or continuing education may take our loved one away from daily face-to-face contact.
We can support our young adults by consistent communication; by text, email, calls, and visits (not too often).
Remember the importance of listening. Keep a balance between letting your child know of your love and concern, while avoiding hovering. This separation time is a great opportunity to send your young adult a daily uplifting devotion or Bible verse.
Care packages with their favorite snacks, fruits, and cookies are always welcome. Add a gift card to their favorite restaurant to give them an extra surprise. If your loved one is away at school or work, encourage them to seek community involvement.
Churches often have support groups for college students and small group gatherings for young adults. College students can check for these groups during their campus visits in the spring and summer prior to the start of classes in the fall.
Be the Safe Place
No matter our age and experience, there are times when we just want to give up.
Our young adults will face these challenges, too, in the workforce and as college students. Often we’re tempted to give advice such as, “When I was your age, I did—” or “This is what you should do—”
Your wisdom is important, but often our young people just need a listening ear.
Just as the young college student who faced overwhelming responsibilities and gave up—at first, our young adults will likely face their own overwhelming challenge at some point.
Again, it is important to listen and encourage.
If they talk through the issue, some impediments may become clear to them.
Are they—
• Socializing too much?
• Missing classes?
• Not managing their time well?
• Falling behind in their assignments?
• Avoiding seeking help—tutoring, study habits, counseling?
• Adding too many extracurricular activities?
Thankfully, the young man mentioned above had a supportive family, sought counseling, and worked with college personnel to develop an action plan that fostered his success in school.
He took a little longer, but he persevered and completed his college degree.
The Power of Prayer, Presence, and Perseverance
We all need encouragement, a listening ear, and the knowledge that someone cares.
Our young adults are especially vulnerable to feelings of discouragement and stress about the challenges they face. As parents, family, mentors, and caring individuals, we can open our hearts when our young adults need a caring listener.
Distance doesn’t lessen our impact to support our young adults, no matter where they are.
Our prayers, encouragement and support matter. We can pray for perseverance, discernment in their decisions, motivation to do their best, and the courage to maintain their faith through adversity.
Together, we all can make a positive difference on their journey.
