By Pam Farrel
When we stood at the altar and promised to love in “sickness and health; for better or for worse,” I think we all secretly hoped and prayed there would be very little sickness and not much we’d call “worse.”
So, what can a couple do when life gets tough to help them “TEAM Up” to stay in Love?
Talk Honestly and Tenderly
When pressure mounts—from finances, health issues, career change, a move, a high-need child, caring for aging parents, or some other outside stressors—marriages often suffer in silence.
But silence creates distance. Instead, choose to communicate openly, yet gently. Share your fears, frustrations, and feelings without accusing or blaming. Tender truth telling builds trust.
Plan regular heart-to-heart talks to keep love alive. For the past decade, Bill and I have been caring for his aging parents, and on top of caring for them, I had a near-death coma caused by escalating out-of-control glucose. I recovered (with Bill’s tender loving care) and a year later I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer! We created a lovely bistro garden table with comfy wicker chairs complete with a lovely shade umbrella for daily chats and twinkling lights for a little late-night romance.
Where in your apartment, RV, home or yard can you create a cozy conversation getaway?
“Instead, speaking the truth in love …” (Ephesians 4:15 NIV).
Encourage Each Other Daily
During difficult times, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong and overlook what’s right. But couples who survive and thrive through trials are those who choose to speak life.
A kind word, a simple compliment, or a whispered prayer can uplift a weary soul. Make it your mission to be your spouse’s #1 encourager— especially when the world feels heavy. We suggest you two create a rhythm of encouragement.
Greet each other with a hug and a kiss and “Good Morning.” Ninety percent of couples that do this simple starter say their whole day improves! We also have a fun habit of each time we pray and bless the food; we kiss each other! We have been doing this since we got engaged over 47 years ago! It is nearly impossible to be angry or frustrated when you kiss this often! Lastly, we retire to bed together, cradle each other and pray over one another each night.
By weaving God into our life all day, we find the words we choose tend to be kind, affirming, and uplifting.
“Encourage one another daily …” (Hebrews 3:13 NIV).
Anchor in God’s Promises
Feelings will fluctuate. Circumstances will shift. But God’s Word stands firm. When life shakes your marriage, let Scripture steady your hearts.
Post verses on the fridge, pray them aloud, or declare them together during devotions. God’s promises remind you that you’re not alone—and that He is faithful to strengthen your love through every storm. In one particularly strenuous season, we were selling our home to move to be caregivers.
It was taking many more months than we hoped, and we were watching our stress rise and bank account dwindle.
At the same time, I was writing my portion of Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience. So we daily read and prayed through a Psalm together.
One day, we both teared up as we read God’s promise to us: “You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and [will] comfort me again” (Psalm 71:20–21 ESV, emphasis added).
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul …” (Hebrews 6:19 NIV).
Move Forward Together
Tough times can either drive couples apart or draw them closer. The difference lies in the decision to walk through hardship hand in hand.
Don’t retreat from each other—press in. Take the next steps together: go on a daily prayer walk, keep attending church or small group, join a group giving help in your area of stress, or find a Christian counselor and go together to the sessions.
For us, teaching on marriage—in coaching sessions, for marriage enrichment events, conferences and weekend getaways—became an oasis as we “practiced what we preached!”
“Two are better than one … If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV).
Pam and Bill Farrel are co-directors of Love-wise. Authors of 61 books including bestselling, Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. A template for A Conflict Covenant is available at www.Love-Wise.com
